Food Labelling

I see that the British government are planning to have a system of traffic light-like labels on fattening foods. (Nothing gets past me)

Green-lighted stuff is stuff you can eat as much as you want of. I’d be wary of heeding this advice, as my science teacher once told me that a woman turned orange after eating too much carrots, which are generally considered a healthy choice.

But I can’t help noticing a classist condescension in this colour based warning system. It’s as if they think fat people are all illiterate peasants who are incapable of understanding the distinction between high-density and low-density lipoproteins, let alone the relative merits of Omega-3 and Omega-6 oils.

It’s a bit rich when you consider that one or two members of their cabinet could lose a pound or two themselves.

I foresee tortuous negotiations over the cabinet table where John Prescott argues in favour of green-lighting his favourite brand of pork pie. After all, the wife has enough to think about, especially at this time of year when the wind blows her hair around like god only knows what.

But then you consider some of the wheezes that the food industry has come up with over here.

Bord Bainne, or whatever it is they call themselves now, tell us that milk is only 2% fat. A simple experiment demonstrates why this is so. Open a milk bottle upside and notice how it splashes all over the place, and subsequently gets soaked up by a cloth, leaving only an invisible, stinky, residue. This proves that milk is actually 95% water. But 97% fat and water doesn’t make it seem quite so appealing.

Likewise, the people who make sugar tell us that that their tooth-rotting product is fat free. The people who make lard have yet to suggest that their product is sugar free, but are their really people too dumb to realise that excess calories whether in the form of fat or carbs make you fat?

Obviously there are, as sugar is a popular product and the people who make it have a few bob to spend on market research.

So maybe, though it hurts me to admit it, the Brits have the right idea.