The Benny "No Pill" Show
When I heard that Cardinal Rat-Zinger had been elected Pope yesterday, I suddenly realised how all those people out there who don't like soccer feel at the end of the World Cup or European Championships feel as they realise that all the palaver is over with.
Then you've got to feel sorry for all those people who were rooting for the plucky underdogs from Honduras or the Phillipines but knew in their hearts that the Germans were going to win in the end. At least journalists aren't going to have to learn how to pronounce the name of the Capital of Honduras, Tecucigalpa (I think)
Sky News informed us that Rat-Boy was the first German Pope in a Millenium, though they're not yet quite so interactive that you can press your red button and ask why, perchance, this might be the case, but you know that they'd just mumble back that historical context wasn't really their thing, it's not the sort of information which graphics flashing along the bottom of the screen is conducive to conveying.
But here's the reason (briefly). In the eleventh century Henry IV, emperor of the "Holy" "Roman" "Empire" decided that it was within his power to appoint archbishops, and the then pope, Gregory VII insisted it was his exclusive prerogative. Neither side willing to back down, Gregory declared war on Henry, and was supported by the German "Nobles" who saw this as a chance to ameliorate their own power within the so-called empire. After losing a battle, Henry was forced to back down and wear a sackcloth while kneeling in the snow. It led in the long term to the Holy Roman empire, or "Germany" as we would now call it, becoming a loose confedation while England, France and Spain became United Nations that would conquer most of the World, and that it wasn't until Fredericak the Great and Bismarck overpowered the rest of the nation in the 18th and 19th centuries with their brutal Prussian militarism that Germany became united. So, according to some Historians, this tiff about who got to nominate bishops led eventually to the death camps at Austwich.
Thankfully, the church isn't that powerful anymore, but there were a few other things that happened in the intervening milenium. Some would argue that the Reformation was inevitable, that people in Northern Europe weren't going to let a bunch of priests in Rome rule them forever, but others would say that the Investiture Controversy led to alienation between the church and Germany which culminated in Luther's Wittenberg Theses and the Sack of Rome in 1527, when marauding troops of "Emporer" Charles V destroyed the city, killed around 80% of it's population and made off with most of it's priceless treasures.
That was almost 5 centuries ago, but then that's only a quarter of the existence of the Papacy ago. Can you imagine people in America today, 60 years after the end of World War II electing an Austrian with a creepy body-image fixation to be one of their leaders? Oh, Right.
Since then Italians have always been a bit snooty towards Germans, who they regard as vulgar and classless, even when they were copying their styles of Music and Architecture. Mussolini said that Italians were builing an empire when the Germans were living in the forests, though he later said that Italians were Nordic Aryans.
Now, it seems, they've made up. Maybe if some people from Honduras or the Phillipines ransack Rome today they might get the papacy in another 500 years.
Lenny from the Simpsons insists that Germans arent so bad - hey, they may have done some bad things in the past, but that's why pencils have erasers - but unfotunately this particular German wants to do some bad things in the present as well, like continuing JPs legacy of opposing contraception in the face of uncontrollable population growth and the spread of AIDS in Africa. Of Course, some are insisting that Rat-Boy is his own man and avoided being called John Paul III to avoid being in the Poles Shadow. Of course, he does put himself in the Shadow of Popes Benedict I-XV, but then nobody knows who they are, so what the Hey?
Others are suggesting that not-very-gentle Ben is a transitional figure who's going to pave the way for a relative liberal possibly (but possibly not) from Africa or Latin America. As John O Farrell suggests, it might be time to democratise the process a bit more.
Meanwhile, we're treated to the sight of Africans coming all the way to Rome to celebrate the appointment of a German who's going to insist that they don't use the pill no matter what the circumstances are. Then we were treated to the sublime Freudian Slip of Kristen Guru-Murty describing the new Pope as the son of a Barbarian. Of course, Freud said that there are no accidents, which is a typical deterministic, Germanic way of looking at things. And that's not good news for the people of Africa.
Then you've got to feel sorry for all those people who were rooting for the plucky underdogs from Honduras or the Phillipines but knew in their hearts that the Germans were going to win in the end. At least journalists aren't going to have to learn how to pronounce the name of the Capital of Honduras, Tecucigalpa (I think)
Sky News informed us that Rat-Boy was the first German Pope in a Millenium, though they're not yet quite so interactive that you can press your red button and ask why, perchance, this might be the case, but you know that they'd just mumble back that historical context wasn't really their thing, it's not the sort of information which graphics flashing along the bottom of the screen is conducive to conveying.
But here's the reason (briefly). In the eleventh century Henry IV, emperor of the "Holy" "Roman" "Empire" decided that it was within his power to appoint archbishops, and the then pope, Gregory VII insisted it was his exclusive prerogative. Neither side willing to back down, Gregory declared war on Henry, and was supported by the German "Nobles" who saw this as a chance to ameliorate their own power within the so-called empire. After losing a battle, Henry was forced to back down and wear a sackcloth while kneeling in the snow. It led in the long term to the Holy Roman empire, or "Germany" as we would now call it, becoming a loose confedation while England, France and Spain became United Nations that would conquer most of the World, and that it wasn't until Fredericak the Great and Bismarck overpowered the rest of the nation in the 18th and 19th centuries with their brutal Prussian militarism that Germany became united. So, according to some Historians, this tiff about who got to nominate bishops led eventually to the death camps at Austwich.
Thankfully, the church isn't that powerful anymore, but there were a few other things that happened in the intervening milenium. Some would argue that the Reformation was inevitable, that people in Northern Europe weren't going to let a bunch of priests in Rome rule them forever, but others would say that the Investiture Controversy led to alienation between the church and Germany which culminated in Luther's Wittenberg Theses and the Sack of Rome in 1527, when marauding troops of "Emporer" Charles V destroyed the city, killed around 80% of it's population and made off with most of it's priceless treasures.
That was almost 5 centuries ago, but then that's only a quarter of the existence of the Papacy ago. Can you imagine people in America today, 60 years after the end of World War II electing an Austrian with a creepy body-image fixation to be one of their leaders? Oh, Right.
Since then Italians have always been a bit snooty towards Germans, who they regard as vulgar and classless, even when they were copying their styles of Music and Architecture. Mussolini said that Italians were builing an empire when the Germans were living in the forests, though he later said that Italians were Nordic Aryans.
Now, it seems, they've made up. Maybe if some people from Honduras or the Phillipines ransack Rome today they might get the papacy in another 500 years.
Lenny from the Simpsons insists that Germans arent so bad - hey, they may have done some bad things in the past, but that's why pencils have erasers - but unfotunately this particular German wants to do some bad things in the present as well, like continuing JPs legacy of opposing contraception in the face of uncontrollable population growth and the spread of AIDS in Africa. Of Course, some are insisting that Rat-Boy is his own man and avoided being called John Paul III to avoid being in the Poles Shadow. Of course, he does put himself in the Shadow of Popes Benedict I-XV, but then nobody knows who they are, so what the Hey?
Others are suggesting that not-very-gentle Ben is a transitional figure who's going to pave the way for a relative liberal possibly (but possibly not) from Africa or Latin America. As John O Farrell suggests, it might be time to democratise the process a bit more.
Meanwhile, we're treated to the sight of Africans coming all the way to Rome to celebrate the appointment of a German who's going to insist that they don't use the pill no matter what the circumstances are. Then we were treated to the sublime Freudian Slip of Kristen Guru-Murty describing the new Pope as the son of a Barbarian. Of course, Freud said that there are no accidents, which is a typical deterministic, Germanic way of looking at things. And that's not good news for the people of Africa.
posted by seamus @ 3:26 pm
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